Understanding the Five Stages of Grief & How to Overcome Each

• Grief is a natural reaction to losing someone or something we love. 
• Not everyone experiences grief the same, though many people go through five stages of grief. These stages can serve as a healing process and a way to adjust to a new reality. 
• There are various resources and support groups that can help someone navigate the stages of grief.

We all experience grief at different points in our lives. Whether it’s due to a difficult life transition, the loss of a loved one, a divorce, or another big change, grief is a visitor to us all. Taking the time to understand grief and our available support resources and coping strategies can make it easier to navigate.

A leading theory on how grief works is that it occurs in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Each stage comes with different symptoms and often requires different coping mechanisms and support.

The grieving process is the natural way we deal with emotional pain, whether from the loss of family members, a divorce or relationship ending, financial instability, or a terminal illness. While grieving is often misclassified as an entirely emotional process, it can also impact physical and behavioral health. Common symptoms of grief include:

• Difficulty sleeping
• Loss of interest in previous habits
• Eating more or less than usual
• Difficulty concentrating
• Fatigue
• Intense sadness
• Headaches
• Lack of hope or direction
• Questioning personal beliefs

There is no single ​“right” way to navigate grief but over time, grief becomes easier to manage and has a smaller impact on mental health. While it’s a natural process, there are ways to navigate grief with more ease, such as researching how grief works and working with a mental health professional.

Grief is a deeply personal and unique experience. While there’s no single roadmap, various grief models can offer a framework for understanding common patterns and navigating the emotional terrain. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross created one of the most popular grief models, and it includes five stages. 

These five stages can help us navigate our own grief and better understand what loved ones are going through after a significant loss. Understanding grief through these stages can help us improve our own mental health, better support loved ones, and avoid compassion fatigue. 

Stage 1: Denial

The first stage of grief is denial: a period where someone refuses to accept a new reality. Denial can look like refusing to accept death and dying, refusing to discuss a loss with others, or not believing the loss occurred in the first place. After a cancer diagnosis, for example, someone in the denial stage may question the initial diagnosis and seek out a second opinion. 

Stage 2: Anger

After accepting the loss as true, it’s normal to feel angry. We may feel anger that a romantic relationship didn’t end with a desired outcome or be angry over the death of a loved one. This anger may be directed at various people or inanimate objects, including ourselves, loved ones, objects associated with the loss, doctors, or even a higher power.

Stage 3: Bargaining

Grief often leaves us feeling overwhelmed or desperate. A coping strategy is often to bargain with ourselves or a higher power. Often, this third stage manifests in exploring ​“what ifs” and ​“if onlys.” Someone experiencing a divorce, for example, may think through the ways the relationship could have gone differently and even reach out to their ex-partner in an attempt to get back together. 

Stage 4: Depression

Intense sadness over a loss is often masked by feelings of anger, guilt, and the desperation associated with the bargaining stage of grief. In stage four, that sadness comes to the forefront, meaning we often experience depression.

This one stage is often the longest and can make it difficult to get out of bed, complete everyday activities, or have the energy to find support. If someone struggles to get out of stage four, a mental healthcare provider may diagnose them with prolonged grief disorder. Of those who experience grief, about 10% experience this disorder. If the person witnessed the death and is having nightmares, difficulty concentrating, and avoiding reminders of the event they may be experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Stage 5: Acceptance

The final Kübler-Ross stage is acceptance. Acceptance occurs when we have completed the grieving process and are able to accept reality without the person, relationship, or thing we lost. If someone lost a parent, for example, acceptance may look like celebrating their life and planning how to move forward from the loss.

While some healthcare professionals may ​“prescribe” these stages of grief in a linear order, there’s little evidence that we all experience the stages in a chronological way. For example, someone’s first reaction to loss could be anger, followed by denial or depression. 

It’s also possible to revisit previous stages in the Kübler Ross model. Even after reaching the final stage, they may still experience moments of depression or anger over what happened.

Rather than viewing the stages of grief as a fixed sequence that everyone must follow, we can use them as general frames of reference that normalize the shock and emotions grief causes. 

While the five stages of grief is the most common model, some researchers propose there are seven stages. The seven stages of grief are similar to the five, but have two additional stages between depression and acceptance: 

• Upward turn: a phase where someone begins to cope with depression
• Reconstruction: a stage where someone seeks out realistic solutions to loss

No matter what grieving stage someone is in, there are mental health resources that can help. Some at-home coping strategies include:

• Meditation, breathing techniques, and mindfulness
• Talking about mental health with loved ones
• Setting new health goals or maintaining current healthy habits

While these strategies are useful, they aren’t the only ones available–and no one should have to approach grief alone. There are many local support groups for those experiencing grief, as well as national resources:

• National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI)
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
• 988 Lifeline

Visiting a doctor sooner in the grieving stage can help someone determine the right resources. Usually, a primary care provider can connect someone with a support group or help them find a therapist who can help them work through their grief.

Other resources to find a therapist include:

• Good Therapy 
• The Recovery Village
• Talkspace

If someone feels like harming others or themselves (including suicidal ideation) seek immediate assistance. Call, visit, or text:

• 1–800–662-HELP (4357)
• 1–800–799‑4889 (suicide prevention lifeline for hearing impaired)
• Call or chat online with the Samaritans
• Text HOME to 741741

No matter what resources or coping strategies someone chooses, remember that there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. The grieving process looks different for everyone and the healing process often isn’t linear. Be patient with yourself and loved ones who are grieving, and don’t be afraid to reach out for help when needed.

When a loved one is grieving, it’s difficult to know what will help or what to say. Even if efforts feel like they’re not enough, know that the presence of loved ones in and of itself is a great comfort when grieving. 

That said, there are some tips on how to comfort loved ones going through the stages of grief:

• Make yourself available: Oftentimes, the best gift we can give a grieving loved one is space. Let them know you’re available to talk or to make them a cup of tea. Even if they don’t accept, they’ll appreciate the gesture.
• Ask them what they need: It can be tempting to send someone a card or casserole after a significant loss, but that may not be what a loved one needs. Instead, ask how you can help.
• Be open and interested: Actively listen to your grieving loved one. If, for example, you ask how they are, do it because you are open to an honest response, not as a formality.